I decided to post two entries today xD

This is random, but I just realized the reason why I always write my heart out on blog whenever I feel sad or lonely or whatever.

This is the only place that I can share my feelings, knowing that someone out there would read it without discussing it later on.

I could write a journal or maybe on trash paper, but the possibility for my mum to read it is vey very high. There are many things I wish I don't share with her.

And so yeah, that's it. Am just a lost girl right now. I better find myself quick.

hope and dream

natasyaizzati

2105hrs

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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Shut the windows, girl

I shield myself as I walked by
So they can not
See me cry
Lock the windows,
Hide the pain.

Look up at the sky as red as the dawn
Lock the windows,
Hide the pain.

When I look into myself
I am not the person
They want me to be
I'm the opposite quite frankly
But that doesn't stop them
From hurting me
Lock the windows,
Hide the pain.

(change the ending)
But this story is not over
Yet
I am still looking for myself
Inside the darkness
Where i wish
Light passes by
Lock the windows,
Hide the pain.

So it is true
What people said about the lonely soul
The fact that I try to deny
Lock the windows,
Hide the pain.

improvised by Natasya Izzati

0055hrs 

-tissue guy 

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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its ramadhan!

Hey peeps!
It has been a while since my last post. Apparently, I'm writing this because one of my fan actually ask me why I don't write anything here anymore. Sis busy. lol. But yeah I'm kinda busy. kinda.

what should I talk about?

To tell you the truth, I have many topics that pop up from my mind. I wanna talk about my endless assignment, my lack of sleep, my heartless self, the time when I went out with this one kinda cute 190cm guy to watch "Me Before You", and the fact that he was the one who cried and not me bcuz I was distracted. LOL.

I want to write. But all those things that come out from my mind are just that. I don't feel like sharing the stories here. So, till I have the courage to share my story here again. Don't expect a good post by me cuz ive never even written a good one :') Have a good life, peeps.

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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just a random rant

Filling up the options for UPU application after SPM isn't a simple chore. You have to reallyyy reallyyy think about what you reallyyy reallyyy want to do, what you really really want to learn. Yes, it is true that what you study will not determine your future career, but what you choose determine what you are going to learn, the knowledge that you're going to add up in you.

You have 8 options, and the first option is the most important one because that's usually what you want to do most. Ada rezeki, you might get what you realllyyy want, and if you don't get what you reallyyy hope for, it doesn't mean your future ends there. Just go for it because who knows, that might be your real destiny. We don't know the future, Allah SWT knows. The best thing you can do is, to ALWAYS work hard in anything you do, to always LOVE anything you do and remember, Allah is always with you whenever you feel helpless or demotivated. Pray, read the Quran, zikir. That's the best therapy in life, said anyone who has tried it and I have. It works, ALL the time. You want more energy to go through the busy, hectic days? Read Quran after Subuh. One page wont take that long to finish.

I am in no place to talk about this kind of thing, I have lots of sins. I have. But this is just a mere advice, from a human being to another human being. Reminder from a Muslim to another Muslim. May our life, always be blessed.

Anyway, choosing what you want to study in university isn't everything about life. There's more. As you grow up, you will go through lots and lots types of days. And just don't give up. Other people can why cant us, aite? Cheers to our future life! :)

dream and live

natasyaizzati

2212hrs

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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My hair is getting longer, should I cut it?

Heyya peeps.

Here am I, sucking some courage to write something. I deleted some of my previous posts due to some "technical" reason. They're not that important anymore, and I'm trying to forget every part of that memories in my life although I know it is every impossible. However, I wont just let my past dictate who am I, instead, I will let it be a part who I will become. That sentence sounds so cool right? It's not mine duh :P I watched this movie called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and one of the character in the movie (whom I found cute) said that once.

Back to the story of my feelings.

I think I'm going through a pitfall. I don't know. I'm just not sure about most things in my life. Or is that a normal thing to feel when you're in the process of "growing up", in the process of maturing. I don't know. So yes, I think I'm changing. DRASTICALLY. which sometimes I feel scared of. I think I changed too much which make me feel as if this soul occupying my body isn't mine. Things happen and constantly changing a little here and there. I guess it is the consequences of all the "small" decisions I made in the past.

Despite of all the SCARY emotions (losing, sadness,  frightened,.., ), I guess I should be thankful for every single person who have been with me as I go through a lot of emotional changes and mood swings. My mum, my friends. The good and the bad ones, the painful moment and the joy, the happiness and loneliness that I went through, I share with my friends. And they have been very NICE and SUPPORTIVE for me and I always have admired all of them; the way they think and solve problems; all of them have their own way and their own piece of advice that they shared to me. I couldn't THANK them enough. I just hope and wait till the day I can I stop looking for the missing part that I thought I need because I actually don’t.

Now, I'm just gonna wait for things to fall into places and for my life to become better and clearer. I'm just gonna PRAY HARDER, develop more MATURE thinking, set my own PRIORITIES. Most of all, I'm gonna take things slowly, to do one thing at a time, to not rush through things and give love endlessly to people around me. I'm gonna make myself happier because I should. I'm gonna try new things and meet new people though its awkward at first. I'm gonna take RISK! I'm a big girl, I make my own decision and I wont let anyone influences me anymore (I cant cross out my mum tho :')) I should do better in my studies, I have started to love and enjoy the course I'm doing rn. AND, I should train myself  be a good listener and give appropriate response when people tell me their stories. I'm gonna do more things that made me happy.

I should go and love myself

natasyaizzati

2203hrs

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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ma

During my school years, I always have the thought to go as far as I could from my house, fro my family, from my mum.
This may sound ruthless, but I almost hated my mum.
I hated it when she tried to talk to me not to mention when she tried to kiss or hug me.
I thought that she's a control freak.
I just wanted to be as far as I could from her.

But now, things changed.
I don't think I could live without my mum.
Now I want to be with her forever, as long as I could.
I wish I could hug and kiss her every day. yes, it may sound childish but that is exactly what I need.
I just love her too much I'm scared of the thought of losing her.
My love, my life. My mum.

My sweet, caring, loving, smart, beautiful mother.
She's my security blanket. She will always be there with a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic ear for me no matter how tough her day had been. Even if she’s been angry at me all day, she will still be eager to hear my ridiculous stories and thoughts. Whenever I feel I have had too much of life, she is there to calm me down through a phone call or WhatsApp texts or she'll drive for 30 minutes all the way to Shah Alam only to make sure that I'm okay. She'll be there to cry with me. To advice me. To console me with her warm hugs and kisses. I just know that she'll always be there for me whenever I need her.

Only if you could read this ma. I want to tell you that this stubborn daughter of yours loves you, a lot.
I miss her already although it has just been 12 hours since I last met her.

may Allab bless you always ma,

love

natasya izzati

2307hrs

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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gigi besi bila boleh buka?

I have an appointment with my dentist this weekend. I have an appointment with him every two weeks and it has been 2 years now. I'm sure I'm gonna miss the doc. He's old, but old is new :p

That's not the main idea of this post.

Last two weeks, I went to meet the dentist after 2 months delaying the appointment (I'm so busy, k)
So, it was Sunday and my mum was supposed to go out with pakcik after dropping off my sister at work. I decided to come along. Pakcik suggested us to go for breakfast first but I said I can't eat before meeting the doctor. At that time, he reminded me to arwah papa. He always suggested us to go eat the famous lontong Klang at nearby stall first before going to the clinic. And, selalu mesti kena dengar cakap dia and I'll ended up meeting the doc dengan gigi kotor. ish ish

I want to continue but I feel demotivated suddenly.
I'll continue the story later (maybe :p)

It's late and I need my beauty sleep.

dream and hope,

0318hrs

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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On my bed, random morning thought

Pa,
It has been almost a year now
Orang rindu.
I miss your voice the most,
your voice when you try to wake me up
And your voice when you ask me to make you a drink or to massage you or to accompany you to somewhere
Your voice when you came home with daging kambing, because you know I love daging kambing the most
I still remember your sad voice,
When you drove me back to Shah Alam
You said you were going to stay
You said you were not going anywhere
You said you you would attend my convocation
You said you would always be with me
Every time I saw Mars choc bars, I will remember you
Or when I go to mamak
I still find it hard to go to mamak without ever have a slighthest thought about you
I still cry hard every time I realize that I miss you lots
I still cry hard every time I realize that you are not here anymore with me
Orang rindu papa sangat
Orang rindu kak ella jugak
She doesnt even want to call me TT.TT
I miss you both, LOTS
Papa jaga diri kat sana

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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.,

I try to care less about what I feel
Because at the end
No one cares about my feelings

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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Jewel of my life

This post is dedicated to my precious jambu batu, my panda, my snickers, my future travelling partner, my special friend, my soulmate; to puka (baby if you are reading this, do know that I'm missing you, always)

It was like a miracle fate for me to get to meet you. You understand me better than anyone else. Sometimes I don't think that we talked much, but the feelings that I had when I was with you; the feelings were so different and beautiful I would say. I don't know how to explain this, but I could know that you're having problem by just looking at your eyes. I could sense whenever you need someone to talk.

Our first meeting was somewhat like a movie scene. ihiks. you know what happened right? but i think i lost the a4 paper yang masa kita pergi psychology test tu :'( alaaa, i don't really know how to express my feelings, tak kisah lah through writing ke verbal ke. I just want you to know that you are so special to me and I value our friendship so much and I love you and I'm missing you because you're so far away. I'm planning to go to Kelantan this upcoming se break. agak agak boleh ke? hehehe. I need some good advices from you lah hmm. nak jumpa puka asap!

dreaming, hoping and missing you,

natasyaizzati

1404hrs

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BIG THANKS = HANDS DOWN :D

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